so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't deserve a penis
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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