It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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