"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My dick has a subreddit
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
