My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
