i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
