girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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