a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Farmville is her only friend.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
