I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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