That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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