At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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