Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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