its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
