there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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