Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
