Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
