im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
