someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
