I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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