Your mouth is God's brothel.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
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