Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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