I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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