You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
