I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
