That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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