You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We talked him into tasing himself.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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