I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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