Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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