you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
