Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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