i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
