My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
