I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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