It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
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