so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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