I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
