so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
