I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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