No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you inspire me to be a worse person
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
