i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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