I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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