He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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