We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
