i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
