The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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