the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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