I wish I could punch you in the face.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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