the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
