bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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