i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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