you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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