We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
