when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
