You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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