nut hugger
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
