Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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